Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she looked like the before picture.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
