bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
