Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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