I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I want a musical about memes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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