I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
