me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize