Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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