My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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