You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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