I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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