I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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