We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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