apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
