went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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