he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
