you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
