Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
