The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Still dying that you shit outside
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
