I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
