You're completely useless in the revolution.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
