Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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