hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
