You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Even my vagina gasped.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
