I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
