90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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