bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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