GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
