Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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