mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
