I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
