I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
