he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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