i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
