It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
