somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
