didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
