She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
