I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
