I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
