That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
