Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
