69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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