can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
