I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
