Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
