doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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