you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
