Betty ford says i'm here all night
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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