I didn't shave. On purpose
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
