I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize