WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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