I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize