I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
