i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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