Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
