Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
