She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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