i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
