I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
