Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
