There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
