____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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