All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
