I skipped work to stalk him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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