i permit you to call me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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