woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
