but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
