That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like a drive thru vagina
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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