When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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