If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize