My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
