I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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