so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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