Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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