Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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