Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
