If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
