she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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