But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
