k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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