how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
