I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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