HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
